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Hearts & MindsSM - Information for ChangeSM
How to Peacefully Resolve Conflicts
Useful for individual, local and global conflicts
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Many conflicts could be avoided and existing ones defused
by these techniques. Proven in countless disputes, they work with individuals, groups and nations.
The importance of
communication
This is the first, most
crucial step. Both sides need a fair hearing. Finding fair solutions requires patience and a willingness to understand
everyone's views.
It's important to remember that both sides
seek to protect their interests and feel justified in their positions. Keep a friendly, open atmosphere during the conversations.
Choose a good meeting place
and time
It's best to meet in person at a place and time where
everyone can feel comfortable, safe and free to spend some time to work
things out. Don't use impersonal communications like e-mails or answering machine messages to dump your "negative" (but valid) emotions.
Keep your temper
Develop the habit of controlling your temper. It's a
valuable skill that serves your interests and everyone else's.
Venting anger is almost never productive. It just
makes other people defensive, encouraging them to harden their positions.
If people are "pushing your buttons" don't
tune them out or tell them off. Let them know that you understand and
value their ideas. This will help them to stay calm, too.
Everyone should be treated with respect
Never invalidate others' feelings or their right to
have them. It's not just the words you choose. Other forms of communication
can sabotage the dialogue. Avoid sarcasm, groaning, rolling your eyes.
Giving people a chance to express their complaints - even if they do so in
a way that makes you angry - shows them that they will be heard. Use tact
when expressing your complaints.
Build on common interests
Areas of agreement and common interest will
often emerge. These can be emphasized and built on.
Total agreement is unlikely so both sides will
probably need to make concessions. Be creative in finding alternate ways to satisfy the
other party.
Appreciate the value of
initial steps and compromise
If the conflict cannot be fully resolved,
areas of mutually beneficial cooperation can be found. Ongoing cooperation
and communication can lead to further progress.
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by Bill Blackman
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1997 - 2007 by Hearts and Minds Network, Inc. http://www.heartsandminds.org/peace/conflict.htm
- online 1997, latest Hearts & Minds website stats
include through November
30, 2005, latest
text changes December 1, 2005 |